My father passed away on January 13th. I got a message from my mom on the 11th, saying he is in the hospital and in a critical condition.

He has been suffering from Pancreatic Cancer. He did have a surgery in summer 2010, but they were unable to remove it all.

We, meaning my two brothers and my mom, were told that his Dr. hadn’t seen anybody last longer than two years. Last time I was in Sasebo, my brother told me I should spend good quality time with him.

Last time I saw him in person was back in May 2011, when I was home in Sasebo. I wrote a little bit about it here.

I talked to dad on the phone at one point, around Jan 11th or 12th, but he was incoherent. According to my brother, who was in the room, he was asking “which station” I was at. He had thought I was back in town…

Technology is an amazing thing. My brother was able to Skype with me over his phone and my younger son and I got to show our faces to my dad in bed. We didn’t get to talk much, but I’m sure he saw us. That was our goodbye. He passed away a day after that.

I wasn’t able to make the funeral, because of many reasons. I had a hard time finding a last-minute ticket that I could afford, and also in Japan funerals has to happen on certain days. I was crushed about it initially, but, looking back, I am almost glad I didn’t attend the service. I probably couldn’t take it. I arrived home a day after the service, around midnight.

Then my mom told me what happened. He went into the hospital on Dec. 16, and everybody thought he’d be out after the New Year. Last time I corresponded with my dad was Dec 2, his birthday. I had asked how he was and he said he just found out he had water in his lungs. In the email he had said he was “full of fear”…

Mom told me that he really wanted to live. He didn’t want to go. This breaks my heart.

I am still having a great difficulty processing my dad’s passing.

I am surprised myself how hard it is. Of course, you only have one father in your life. I always knew it would be hard, but didn’t know just how hard.

I was absolutely overwhelmed and grateful for all the friends’ support. I had a flood of emails, Facebook messages, Tweets and texts. I was especially touched by people who shared their personal stories. I had a few messages from people who also lost their loved ones, either recently or years ago, and they all said they are still hurting.

More than few people told me losing a parent will forever change you. I am just learning exactly what that means.

While I was in Sasebo, I slept in the same room my dad’s shrine was. I was half expecting to see him in my dreams, but that didn’t happen.

I got to have a look at my dad’s phone. Under “family” folder in his email inbox, there was the email I sent to him in December. He also had lots of emails from his colleagues (he worked in just one company his whole life- typical Japanese business man) wishing him to get well.

I don’t really have a point on this post. I think I just needed to write it. I still miss him very much.

Looking back, 2011 was a busy year for me. I am not sure if it’s neccesarily a bad thing though. I’m just re-reading my posts from this year and reflecting.

Here are some of the big moments of 2011.

- Dove Singing in the Rain campaign.

In February, I flew in to Toronto with 13 other fabulous women to film a web commercial. The shoot was a lot of fun, but what I got out of this project was handful of really amazing friends. We live all over Canada, but we constantly connect and share through social media. The experience and the friendship is definiately something money cannot buy, and I am so grateful for them.

-Japan Earthquake and Tsunami

As I read my past posts, I could see March was a rough month. I wrote about running into my friend, and re-reading this post got me all tear up. They are still in Japan and she is getting treatments.

Then the 311 earthquake happened. I didn’t write anything about it on this blog, mainly because I didn’t know what to write. What can I write when your home country is hit by the biggest disaster since World War ll? I still remember the hopeless, devastated feeling I felt while watching all the TV footage. I was asked to talk on a national TV show and I barely got to speak as I was crying. It’s been 9 months and still 300,000 people are without homes.

Then amazing Victoria community all came together to put on Hope Love Japan fundraising event. The event was a huge success and we have raised over $14,000 CDN and have been donated to Canadian Red Cross.

-Trip to Japan in May

Because of the earthquake and Tsunami, my plan to visit Japan with my kids have been changed, and I ended up going by myself. I was there about two weeks, and thought this might be my first and last time to visit Japan without kids. (Turns out I am doing it again in February 2012)

I visited my family in Sasebo, Nagasaki, and then I also stayed in Tokyo for a week. Believe it or not, this was the first time I spent so much time in Tokyo, and I had an absolute blast. I met many online friends there – many from Tasukeai Japan team where I volunteer. I even got to meet Chief Cabinet Secretary, that was cool.

I met up with many online friends and we got to discuss social media. There is a huge gap between how social media is perceived and used in Japan and North America, and it was fascinating to learn that. This made me realize one day I would like to the work to connect them together.

-It’s all about social media

Last half of 2011 were filled with many social media events. I was a part of Social Media Camp again this year. Great to see Jayagain and meet Amber for the first time. See how much fun we had?

Also, Russel and I had a one year anniversary of Getting Engaged show. We are thankful for all your support and hoping to kick it up a notch in 2012.

In October, I was back in Toronto for Blissdom Canada. It was so wonderful to see all the online friends.

Then I also did BlogWorld LA in November. This is the year I finally started to see that I am part of this industry. I stopped to feel insecure about exactly what I’m contributing to the industry, just that I am part of it.  I met so many amazing people like Chris and Jacq, and they continue to inspire me on daily basis. For that I am very grateful.

-I fell in love

As you know I have been single since I separated from my ex-husband. I have dated here and there but I was almost just as happy to be by myself.

This all changed when I was in LA.

Did you hear about this guy’s ghostwriter story? I do remember catching it on Twitter(pretty sure it was Scott Stratten‘s RT). At that moment I had no idea who he was, but I read the story, thought it was funny, and went about my day.

In early October, my friend Dan hosted his usual High Noon Hump Day Lunch Tweetup. (He does this on Wednesdays.) I do remember I was on the fence about attending. Maybe I was feeling lazy. But I went anyway. Little did I know he was the guest for the tweetup and Dan had interviewed him over Skype. I tweeted about it and later he thanked me for it -and that’s how we met. I already had the plan to go to LA, so we met up- in fact, he picked me up at the airport when I landed in LA, and we have been together ever since.

The funny thing I learned about myself over this experience is, when you meet someone you have been waiting for your whole life as your dream man, you freak out. I came up with all kinds of excuses for not being with him. It’s the fear…fear of failure, fear of getting hurt again, fear of judgement, etc etc, that prevents me from being courageous and just go with the flow. Luckily, I came to senses and now I have never been this happy.

—–

Finally, this is not a popularily contest, but I wanted to thank few people who has influenced me this year.

Jason Kolt

I met Jason over Twitter and we met up for coffee earlier in the year. I remember we closed down the coffee shop. He is sensitive, creative, funny and although we are both so busy and don’t get to see each other too much, I feel he gets me. I hope to spend more fabulous time with him in 2012.

Chris Guillebeau

I’ve read Chris‘ “The Art of Non-Conformity” few months ago, but this is the year I realized he’s the man I really want to learn from. I want to do what he does- work location independently and travel. I am hoping to attend World Domination Summit(WDS) in 2012 and learn and grow.

Mike Vardy

Mike is the productivity expert and writer based right here in Victoria, and I got to have some interesting chat with him later this year. I value his opinion and perspective greatly, as I know he and I share a very similar view of the industry. He is the one who recommended I attend WDS. I feel as though he is my senior coalleague.

Steve Hof

Steve owns Sauce Restaurant and Lounge in Victoria. He and I became friends around June and we always have the best conversations. He is passionate about his restaurant, social media and giving back to the community. I also want to thank him for pointing me into Crossfit. I started training in the fall, and as hard as hell it is, I am still doing it. It is a completely new workout program for me, but I think I actually enjoy it. So, thanks Steve.

Overall, 2011 was a busy, exciting, and also a tough year. But I don’t believe too much in looking back. I believe in looking forward. So, here’s my farewell to 2011 and I am excited to welcome the new year.

LA Social Media heavy hitters :)

Do you fly often? Being a Japanese living in Canada, I go back home probably every other year. And that 10-hour flight can really drain you. Comparing airline experience is a pretty common thing among my Japanese friends living here. And even though I don’t go to Japan so often, flying has become part of my lifestyle. I love flying, and I like to do it as much as possible if it takes me to places I’d love to visit.

So you can imagine my excitement when ANA(All Nippon Airways) asked me to be their Brand Ambassador for their latest cabin services, Inspiration of Japan(IOJ)!

I attended ANA’s VIP launch event on Novemer 9th in LA. They had mock-ups of each class-First, Business and Economy.   You can see the detailed specs for each classes here, but here is the summary:

ANA Business Class -Inspiration of Japan

-ANA FIRST SQUARE : Features taller-than normal partitions that enhances personalized spaces, 180 degrees full flat seat,(Yes, you can actually lie down.) World’s largest-in-class 23 inch LCD widescreen, Ample storage

-ANA BUSINESS STAGGERED:  Features perfectly staggered layout so that every seat has an aisle access, 180 degrees full flat seat, World’s largetst-in-class 17 inch widescreen

-Economy Class features “Fixed Back Shell” seat where the seat slides forward without disturbing the passenger behind you, and footrest!

All class seats are equipped with iPod connector and USB port so that you can enjoy your own music or use your laptop. Oh, and First and Business class are equipped with Washlets(Fancy Japanese style toilet)…..it’s SO Japanese, isn’t it? (Sorry, I had to mention this.)

I had a great time at the launch event. It was great to meet many social media friends from LA area. We got to try each class mock-ups and check them out…I was particularly excited with their new economy class, as that’s I’m most likely to use. Footrest and sliding seats are such a great idea..Hello!

My friend Neal Schaffer is my partner on this LA-Narita route of Inspiration of Japan.

Neal and me

We are flying to Japan in February on the Business Class with Cali Lewis and John Pozadzides from GeekBeat TV! It’s going to be one heck of a trip….I CAN’T WAIT!

Calvin Lee @Mayhemstudios and @Mikeuesugi

Inspiration of Japan services will start its Los Angeles – Narita route, operated with the Boeing 777-300ER on January 21, 2012.

For more information about ANA’s Inspiration of Japan services, check their website.

One of the awesome people I met, Jacquline Carly

Already, I’ve been back from LA for well over a week. I attended BlogWorld and New Media Expo LA (BWELA) 2011 from Nov 3-5.

I had attended Blog World last year in Las Vegas, and although I made many new friends, I personally felt like I’ve “been there, done that.” It was fun, but not necessary to attend again, especially when I am not exactly in “the industry”.

However, my perception slowly changed over the last few months. I believe it’s thanks to Google Plus that I started to feel like I’m part of the industry, part of a community. (Interestingly enough, that is the topic Russel and I talked about in our last Getting Engaged episode, but seriously, I didn’t link them together until I started writing this post.)

I made many new virtual friends on G+. And many people I like and look up to were supposed to be at BWELA, I started to really wanting to attend the conference. Coincidentally, I had an event to attend in LA few days after BWELA, so I had to be in LA anyway. But being a single mom, it’s not easy coming up with the means. After looking into several options, I had quietly given up.

Couple of weeks have passed, and I was surprised to catch myself still being upset about not going. I had even entered contests to win a pass for BWELA. I didn’t win. I was like a little kid pouting.

One afternoon, I was reading in the bath. It was a nice sunny day, and for me, having a relaxing bath in the middle of the day is one of my favourite things to do. (I love it, it’s my thing, let it go.) I was reading Jonathan Field’s Uncertainty(Affiliate link).
And suddenly something hit me. “Why CAN’T I go? What is stopping me?”

Nobody had told me I couldn’t go. The person who said no to me was myself. I was blaming everything but myself for not being able to go.

I got out of the bath, and after a few emails and phone calls later, I was pretty much set up to go by the evening.

Yes, I had no guarantee I’d come back with something tangible like a new prospect or contract. Yes, it was financially risky for me to make a 8-day trip. All I knew was that I really wanted to go.  Others might laugh at my desire to attend a mere conference, but it was obiously a big deal for me.

So I went. And what happened?

I got to see many of my favourite people. People who inspire me. To be inspired –  is probably the most important thing for me. I’m always looking for an inspiration. (Especially, meeting this guy was the highlight of my trip.) I’ve learned a lot from all the sessions I’ve attended. And I made a whole a lot of new friends. It was absolutely amazing.

On a personal note, I also found somebody very special. But you need to buy me a drink to hear that story.

Lesson I learned from this entire experience is, that you need to make things happen for yourself. That nobody is going to do it for you.

I’ve decided to lean into uncertainty and let the world take me wherever it leads…and I am so glad I did.

I came across something wonderful today. I’m not quite sure where I’m going with this, and unfortunately I am not crafty enough to combine both stories and make it into a neat blog post. I could have written two separate posts, but they both came out pretty much at the same time, like a spark of lightening. So I will write about both in this post, separately.

1) In my last post, I wrote about Breathe Now, and how “It’s Okay” for women to want to have a break, ask for help, etc… and that would be our theme for the conference. This morning, I happened to go read Catherine(@Herbadmother)’s latest blog post. And she happened to link to her older post, titled, “I Am Mother, Hear Me Roar.” – which is a brilliant post, you should go read it now.

There I got to see amazing Tony Porter’s TED Talk titled, “A call to men.”

I loved the talk, and I couldn’t believe I hadn’t seen it until today. In the talk, Tony talks about how men are often pressured to be tough, strong, dominating…and how important it is for us to teach boys “Its Okay to not be dominating, It’s Okay to have feelings and emotions, it’s Okay to promote equality…”… Get it? The key words. The mantra was there…It was an “AHA!” moment for me.

I know men suffer from the different kind of pressures from women. Women are often pressured to be feminine, skinny, beautiful, and domestic etc, men are pressured to be strong, powerful and to make more money than women, etc.

Our entire society is based on the expectation from stereotypes.

When we watched the documentary MISSRepresentation at Blissdom, some of the feedbacks from the women were, even though the film was focused on girls and women and their images through media, as mothers of boys (including myself), how important it is for the parents, and the community, to teach boys real values. We are responsible of teaching them that girls are not objects, and they don’t need to look beautiful and skinny. And, we also need to teach boys themselves, that they are OK not to be tough and dominating. It’s OK for boys to cry. It’s OK for boys to be sensitive.

And we at Breathe Now are trying to send the message, like Tony, “It’s Okay to not to meet the expectations!” – it was an pretty awesome realization.

2) Second AHA moment came from Alison(@Nummiesbras)’s post about Blissdom Canada (This is a wonderful post too.) She writes about this one mom at her panel who said “I just write about my kids.” – I was in the room when this happened, and saw Alison, who was on the panel, quickly grab a microphone and said “You do not JUST write about kids.”  I wanted to get up and clap.  So when I read Catherine’s post and saw her touching the same subject there,(“Just a mom”), I knew it was a sign that I had to write about it too.

Women tend to devalue themselves. I have no idea why. Even I do it. “Oh, I just have a small business” “I’m just a blogger” “I’m just a mom”…

We are not “just” anything. You are not “just” a Stay-At-Home Mom. (Man, that’s a hard job. I can’t do it.)

Then I almost laughed out loud when I remembered the song I sang at Karaoke/Costume wrap up party was No Doubt’s “Just a Girl”. That song is my life’s theme song. How funny.

Let’s stop saying “Just”, Okay? We(well, I) need to learn to be proud of what we do!

Hi, My name is Yukari, and I am a business owner, a writer, a mom, and many more other things.

And you?

As I mentioned in my last post, I was in Toronto last week for Blissdom Canada conference. I had many amazing conversations and connections with old and new friends. Some of them asked what I was up to these days. This was my answer.

“Three very talented women and myself are planning a conference for women, Breathe Now in Victoria in spring 2012.”

It is very silly of me that I had almost forgotten that Blissdom Canada has inspired me to do Breathe Now in Victoria. It was after I got back from last year’s Blissdom that I started talking to friends about having an event here. I really enjoyed the positive atmosphere of giant sisterhood of Blissdom Canada.  Social Media is great, because you get to connect with virtually anybody in the world, but I craved that one-on-one, in-real-life connection with like-minded women. And I wanted to do it here in Victoria, my home town.

I believe it was January 2011, when Angela, Janni, Janice and I met and said “So, are we gonna do this?” Hell yes.

Breathe Now is a celebration of women. It’s not a social media conference, so we won’t be talking about blogging or branding. What we will focus is, “Why, us women, always put ourselves as last person to take care of?” “Why do we feel guilty about working and being successful?”

Our mantra is “Its Okay!” 

It’s Okay to be successful.

It’s Okay to take time for ourselves!

It’s Okay not to have the house in perfect order.

It’s Okay to be overwhelmed.

It’s Okay to ask for help!

We are so excited that now we have the dates set – April 14th and 15th, 2012 – and Early Bird Registration is NOW OPEN!

In case you didn’t know, Opening Keynote is by Rona Maynard, former editor-in-chief of Chatelaine Magazine. And Closing Keynote is by fabulous Bif Naked. How can this not be fabulous?

Hope to see you at Breathe Now!

I just returned from my 4-day stay in Toronto to attend Blissdom Canada. I have attended last year as well, and I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.

Last year, after making 20+ friends online, I got to meet many of them at the event and it was purely magical. This year’s Blissdom Canada sold out in 24 hours(or less, I heard others say), even before any session was announced. It definitely says something about how successful the event was.

This year’s Blissdom was amazing, too. I again got to see the “old” friends(Although I knew them mostly online and been friends with them less than 2 years – but still, I feel I know them and they know me, because we spend so much time online), and meet some fabulous new people.

A lot of the sessions were focusing on branding and monetization, which are always popular topics. I cannot write everything I saw/heard/felt at Blissdom Canada, but here are three things I learned:

1. Coincidence is an amazing thing.

I saw some crazy coincidence moments this year – for example, two people who live in different cities found out their sisters worked together. I think they knew each other online but this was first time they met in real life. What are the chances? I also sat next to a wonderful person at one of the sessions, and she mentioned that her husband was Japanese. Then we got to talking, and found out we both felt passionate about mental health. We started (well, *I* started babbling) talking, and gosh, I cried. It was one of those magical moments when you feel so passionate about something, you can’t stop sharing your thoughts.

I also sat next to two lovely ladies at breakfast, who turned out to be coaches. I met my coach at last year’s Blissdom Canada! Unfortunately, she couldn’t make it this year, but I found it so uncanny. Talking about my coach remided me what I learned with/from her –  to embrace your vulnerability, and when you feel that “sore spot” feeling – when you don’t want to talk about something – that is most certainly the sign to DIG DEEP.

Coincidence? I think not.

2. Women need to be more vocal

We watched this incredible documentary “MISSRepresentation” – about how media is creating certain images about women. It is a great film and for those who in Victoria, I will look into having a screening here somehow (Not sure how/when/who will show it, but I will followup for sure).

The next day, I attended a session moderated by my friend Tara Hunt, with panelists Laura Berg, Jamey Ordolis, and Robin Ahn. The session was about tech and transmedia, but at one point Jamey said “We are always looking for you and your ideas”, and that was bit of a lightbulb moment for me. Because, you know, as a woman, we tend to put other people first, right? When you think you have a great idea, you want others to hear it, but we tend to say “Well, she’s busy..” “They probably get picthed all the time.” – those negative voices in your head stop you from pushing harder.

Great example : At ont point Tara put up her $20 bill and asked the room full of women “Who wants this $20?”. Bunch of women raised their hands, including myself. Only ONE woman got up, walked up to Tara and took it from her.

We need to just get up and go grab it, ladies.

Interestingly enough, on the last panel at Blissdom Canada, Amber Mac said similar things. This inevitably reminded me of Sheryl Sandberg’s TEDtalk as well -”Sit at the table”.

3. Things happen by doing

This is related to #2 above, but nothing happens if you just attend these events and take it al in. If you want to make things happen, you have to get up and do stuff. Be audacious. You might not believe me when I say this, but I don’t usually go up to people to talk. I’m a bit shy, and I’d hate to be pushy. But this time, I went up and talked to couple of women I really look up to, introduced myself and asked if I could send them my stuff. My hands might have been shaking, but they were all very welcoming, and after all I felt SO good.

These are the three things I learned at Blissdom Canada 2011, and I am excited to put myself out there and continue creating.

How about you? What did you learn?

Last week, I had a privilage of meeting Ryo Ambe, Japanese man who cycled across Canada.

I didn’t know anything about his trip until I got an email from Mike Abe, president of Victoria Nikkei Cultural Society, and well respected leader in Japanese-Canadian community in Victoria. Soon after that, I found Ryo on Twitter and made contact with him. And I attended the press conference at the city hall the next day.

There were about 20 people gathered, most of them wearing Support Japan T-shirts. Ryo talked about his trip and showed us some slides from his massive photo collection.

Unfortunately, I was unable to accompany the group of cyclists to Mile Zero, Ryo’s official goal of this trip, but you can see the clip from CTV here.

Ryo used to work at the department store Isetan. But after losing his friend to cancer,who told him to follow his dreams, and after the 311 earthquake and Tsunami, he decided to come to Canada, his favourite country, and bike across it from Halifax to Victoria to thank the people in Canada for their support.  He started in May, and arrived in Victoria in late September. That’s 7900Km!

We talked about a lot of different things, my living in Canada, his experience in Canada….we both agreed that this is a very fine country.

He is going back to Japan in October, and hopes to do another quick bike trip in Taiwan, which also helped Japan so much after the disaster, to thank the people there.

He also said he wants to write a book about his ride in Canada. Good luck Ryo!

You can read his blog (mostly in Japanese) here.  http://transcontinentaldiary.blogspot.com/

Dan Hayes- The London Chef himself – has kindly invited me over to join his Lunch and Learn cooking class today. I knew he was offering cooking classes but didn’t know much about it. But I have walked by when the class was in session and have been curious. So I accepted his invite in a heartbeat!

Today’s menu was Vancouver Island Seafood in a Thai Red Curry Broth.
How the class works is, basically, you sit around the beautiful kitchen, and Dan will cook the meal in front of you. So it’s not really a “cooking class” par se, it is called “lunch and learn”, and I bet you learn a lot. Dan showed us how to prepare Dogfish – which I have never seen before – and it was really interesting. I have cooked some easy, North Americanized Thai food at home before, but in this class Dan showed us various ingredients, such as Shrimp paste, Palm sugar, Galangal and Kaffir Lime leaf(this was my favourite- smells incredible)…now I know where to pick up these ingredients and I’m so excited.

Dan’s a great teacher and storyteller, I honestly enjoyed watching him cook and listening to him. One thing he said – that he liked watching people eat what he makes at The London Chef, because that doesn’t happen in a restaurant environment so often -made a lovely impression on me. He seemed like he really enjoyed cooking for people.
And here’s the best part – the lunch! :)

Lunch and Learn classes are typically $25 per person.
There are other classes/events available – for more info, check out The London Chef website.

I’ve lost a friend by suicide before, and as Mark Schaefer described in his very touching post here, my friend was, also, the last person to do such a thing. She was almost an extreme extrovert, super outgoing. But she, too, lost the battle with depression.

I have a very minor case myself. Mine are just a fog that hover over my head, and I don’t feel like doing anything. So far, thankfully, I am not needing any medical help. But I know many friends and family who suffer from depression.

I am angry, frustrated, and sad. And I feel helpless. I recently helped out with Courtnall Celebrity Classic, which was a fundraiser in memory of Archie Courtnall, who took his own life 33 years ago. I had just posted the article on Facebook/Twitter about Russ Courtnall getting phone calls from fellow NHLers after Rick Rypien and Wade Belak’s suicides.

I feel like we are doing all we can to tell everybody that depression is real, and it’s an illness, and it is OK to get help. There is no shame in that. Still, these people took their own life.
I’m not blaming them, of course, but I just feel devasted and feel helpless.

Then again, after seeing many touching posts by Amber and Bridget Pilloud, I am reminded that all we can do is to keep talking. Get the conversation going, and don’t hush it up. Amber has asked her readers this, but, I want to ask my readers too – if YOU are reading this, and need help, if YOU feel like there is nobody to talk to, if YOU have the thought of suicide… please, please talk to me. I promise, I will be there for you.

By reading about Russ, I found this website – Lost Behind By Suicide, a website to offer open dialogue on suicide. Have a look.

Trey, Rest in peace….we miss you.